Did you miss me? July 2, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, crows, cult, dead, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, library, satire, shit, spoof
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Well? Did you?
No?
NO???!!!!!!
Bitches!
So where have I been?
Well, there’s no other way to put it: I was abducted by crows.
Improbable?
Yes.
But truthful in this instance.
Somehow or other a bunch of crows (or a ‘murder’ as they like to be called) heard about my posting about Crows a short while back.
For some unknown reason they are a very secretive. They don’t like anyone – either human or crow – to talk about crows.
It’s crow omerta – or whatever the hell that secret Mafia code of silence is called.
So, I was walking around doing my thing when all of a sudden i’m jumped by a murder of crows.
I have to admit I actually thought I was a goner.
When you hear the word ‘murder!” you fear the worst.
They took me to a secluded nest and beat the shit out of me with their wings.
Each of them took a turn bashing me with their feathers.
And then I awoke, naked and alone.
They stole my library card!
A word of warning: never carry a library card unless you are prepared to use it.
Peace to you, my children, and keep safe from crows.
You’ve just experienced Miss Fierce’s worst nightmare.
Just in case you should be stocking up Tami-Flu.
Between bird flu, swine flu, and good old fasioned human seasonal flu, this abduction carries a grave risk of infection.
I agree, “murder of crows” does have an ominous tone.
Far less agreeable than a “peep of chickens” or a “trip of dotterel”. Although that last one does sound like a skin infection…
What the devil is a “dotterel” anyway?
And why can’t it look where it’s going?
Alan, I think I experienced EVERYONE’s worst nightmare.
Well, maybe not Brandon Lee’s…..well, if he was still alive….
Eksith, you cheeky boy!
Imagine if your name was Tammy Flu? Would you be immune?
From the disease? Possibly.
From ridicule? Definitely not…
Then again, I think immunity would be a function of ridicule as I would have been a recluse had I been called those names. No exposure = No illness.
And to think, Tammy Faye escaped fate save for three letters!
Yes, JB did describe my worst nightmare.
I had it last night after eating Mexican food right before bed. It was pretty much the same as JB experiencei….except I woke up naked in my high school algebra class and taking a test which I hadn’t studied for.
Dreams are weird things, aren’t they?
Eksith, those names they called you were for your own good.
Its better to desensitize you to the mockery and suffering of humanity at an early stage than for you to get your hopes and dreams dashed in later life.
Your mother did a fine thing calling you a deformed midget fool!
Madame Bitters, that dream you speak of……could you describe it in further details to me. Slowly. Very slowly!
@MB:
I had similar nightmare.
But in my case, I wound up in front of the high school cheerleading squad, breakdancing (for no apparent reason).
Although I was humiliated, I was glad that the cheerleaders learned an important lesson in physics. Affecting your linear momentum is difficult due to inertia at high rotational speeds. Especially when naked.
@JB:
I prefer you use unconventional, vertically challenged, special needs case than “deformed midget fool” irrespective of my mother may have used. After all, a cult leader must maintain a degree of professionalism. Even among the boob pics.
…Brandon Lee is dead?
Sadly, true.
Brandon died during the filming of “The Crow” (1994).
There was a scene in which he was supposed to be shot with a blank round, but an empty cartridge actually exited the gun (which was loged in there from a previous test firing).
He’s dead …..but he can still turn into a crow and reap vengeance on those who killed him!
JB, I didn’t believe a single word of your story, but I DID miss you. Especially in the Anagram (Acronym) Game thread. We had something going there. It was spiritual, sensuous – not in a dirty way, you understand, but something two men have without removing their clothes (not all of them, anyway).
Oh, I’m ranting again, and we’re getting nowhere. Have you noticed how ‘Nowhere’ is spelt almost the same as ‘Now Here’? It’s so funny isn’t it? I’m surprised nobody noticed that when they were inventing words.
Redrum. That’s a funny word, isn’t it? And a great horse, apart from his name was actually Red Rum, but it’s strange that, when they were naming him, they didn’t realise that his name was going to be almost the same as the word that little Danny was going to write in lipstick on the bedroom door in The Shining. Odd that.
Oh shut up and go back to your room Monkey Woods.
Who said that?
I did.
The Anagram/Acronym game was a beautiful thing.
We shared moments of wordy wisdom, fun and wit.
There’s a few others playing it now though.
Maybe me stopping and you being away for a bit made the game less of a threat to them?
They are easily scared on that site.
Very timid and spooked.