The Neverending Story July 27, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: book, comedy, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, Neverending Story, satire, shit, spoof
15 comments
I have an issue with The Neverending Story.
The whole thing is a lie.
The film is not neverending. Sure, they may have made shitty sequels, but the Neverending Story has an edning.
I’ve seen it.
I’ve seen the end credits – right to the end when they say who published the music and the bits were they say “no animals were harmed during the making of this movie”, etc.
It’s false advertising, plain and simple.
I wonder if anyone ever sued the makers?
You go in and buy your ticket to see a film called the Neverending Story and you think to yourself: “Great! At last a film that will keep me occupied for ever and ever and ever…”
And then 120 minutes or so later you come out feeling tricked!
Bastards!!!!!
The creatures in that film were bonkers!
In one of them – the first sequel I think – there was a giant Rock baby riding a giant rock tricycle!
Can you believe that!!
Imagine how much cooler it would’ve been if they had made the film actually infinite?
That sequence would really stick around for ever and nobody could forget it.
But, as it stands, they moved on and most just shrug and say “Meh!” when you talk of such things.
They messed up big time not prolonging that film for ever.
There will be consequences.
Have you ever seen a Goat? July 20, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, goat, humor, Jesus Budda, satire, shit, spoof
2 comments
Well, have you ever seen one?
They are a mysterious creature.
They can be cute and adorable, yet they retain a satanic side.
They are the enigma of the animal kingdom.
Their only rival is the Hippopotamus.
When these two creatures face off against each other, the sky parts and thunder sounds. People run away to their mud huts -or, in some cases, their bungalows – and seek shelter from the fearsome battles.
And then, when the rain and dust settles – they re-emerge to be greeted by these two animals relaxing as if nothing has happened.
Do you love goats?
i don’t mean the intimate kind of love. I mean the love between a boy and a balloon. Boy gets balloon. Boy plays with balloon. Balloon bursts. Boy cries. Boy gets new balloon.
That kind of love is what I’m talking about.
Is the goat your balloon?
A goat can get confused with a coat.
And a boat.
Or a tote.
Even a mote.
Or the word ‘bloat’.
But you can never confuse the love of a balloon with the love of a goat.
Unless that goat is large, red and rubbery.
Learn to love goats and you will become a better person.
Or at least someone who loves goats a bit more.
JB
Do You Remember Being Born? July 16, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, dead, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, naked, nude, nudity, religion, satire, science, shit, spoof
6 comments
Do you remember being born, friend?
Well, if you do then you must have a wonderful memory!
The reason I ask is this: if you cant remember being born then how do you know that you WERE born?
I know that may sound silly (especially to you, Dave) but it’s a valid point.
If you cannot remember being born but accept that you were in fact born, then where did you get your info from – and more importantly, was it a reliable source?
Oh sure, you may say that your parents told you that you were born, but can you really trust them?
Maybe you saw a video of yourself being born?
But how do you know it was a video of you? Just because you saw a child come out of your mother doesn’t mean it was you.
it could be anybody!
It could be that guy down the street.
It could be that girl in the local supermarket that looks suspiciously like your father and mother….
It’s all about trust.
Knowing where you came from is important but to accept your origins you need to put your faith in the views expressed by others. And can you really trust them?
Think of the Truman Show.
They fooled him so they could fool you too….
This girl doesn’t know if she was born or not. If she was not born then surely it must mean that she doesn’t exist?
Or do you have to be born in order to exist?
Hmmmmmm…..I’m distracted by her ‘come hither’ eyes…..
This is an Announcement July 9, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, satire, shit, spoof
7 comments
You presume that something serious is about to be said when someone says that ‘This is an Announcement’.
Its gonna be something big.
Its gonna be something special.
Its gonna be something that will change not only your life but the lives of future generations.
But it usually just ends up being some useless advice on avoiding getting stuck between the train tracks and the train, not eating nuts or that someone is getting married.
I hate big build-ups to nothingness.
I like the big stuff.
Big stories.
Big events.
Big….BIGNESSS!!!!!!!
I don’t like being told that ‘This is an Announcement’ and then discovering that it could simply have been called a ‘Comment’ or an ‘Aside’!
If you’ve got a real announcement to make then go right ahead.
I won’t stop you.
But my Smurf friends will. They use deadly force. They spare no one!
But please, pretty, pretty witty please with sugar on top – do not say this is an announcement unless its gonna be a biggy.
Ok?
OK???!!!!
Good. Now go to your room and get ready for bed.
Belly Buttons July 6, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: bellybuttons, comedy, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, satire, science, spoof
3 comments
Belly Buttons – probably the most used buttons in the World aside from the ones on your shirt.
What’s yours look like then, eh?
Is it an ‘inny’ or an ‘outy’?
Imagine having a belly button that was so large it actually swallowed you up like a black hole?
How could you escape? Where would you run? Where could you hide
You cannot hide from your own belly button?
it is impossible!!!!!!
Let’s look closely at the fleshy delightful ‘thing’, shall we?
Yes, lets do that:
A Stormtrooper’s belly!
Bet you never thought you’d live to see one of them, eh? You did? Oh, fuck off!
A Woman with a bottle in her belly button.
Well, what can I say?
Plenty, actually. But I won’t.
This picture says more than words ever could….
http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:iweQ3LaxtcgZoM:http://crapinthebox.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/belly-button-tattoo1.jpg
Now that is clever!
Obviously somebody with the same idea at work here…
Awww….isn’t that lovely.
No? Why, you unsentimental little bastard!
Naughty….
My eyes! My eyes!!!!!!
Phew!
Thank God we’re back on track with the good stuff!
Now that is one belly button I wouldn’t like to meet down a dark alley!
Choose your favorite and fuck off.
Love and shit,
Jesus Budda
Did you miss me? July 2, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, crows, cult, dead, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, library, satire, shit, spoof
13 comments
Well? Did you?
No?
NO???!!!!!!
Bitches!
So where have I been?
Well, there’s no other way to put it: I was abducted by crows.
Improbable?
Yes.
But truthful in this instance.
Somehow or other a bunch of crows (or a ‘murder’ as they like to be called) heard about my posting about Crows a short while back.
For some unknown reason they are a very secretive. They don’t like anyone – either human or crow – to talk about crows.
It’s crow omerta – or whatever the hell that secret Mafia code of silence is called.
So, I was walking around doing my thing when all of a sudden i’m jumped by a murder of crows.
I have to admit I actually thought I was a goner.
When you hear the word ‘murder!” you fear the worst.
They took me to a secluded nest and beat the shit out of me with their wings.
Each of them took a turn bashing me with their feathers.
And then I awoke, naked and alone.
They stole my library card!
A word of warning: never carry a library card unless you are prepared to use it.
Peace to you, my children, and keep safe from crows.
