Girls in tight t-shirts May 30, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, fat, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, naked, nude, nudity, satire, shit, spoof, sport
7 comments
Hello, perverted weirdo!
So you want some pictures of women in tight t-shirts, eh?
Well, never say that I don’t give you anything.
No, honestly – NEVER SAY I DON’T GIVE YOU ANYTHING. I will fucking beat the shit out of you if you even attempt to say such a thing.
Enjoy the pictures and, as always, watch the skies.
Why?
I have no idea. Maybe something good is up there.
But keep your mouth closed in case a bird shits into it.
It happens.
Trust me.
I’m straining to read the t-shirt too!
Poor girl spilled a cup of tea on her t shirt.
Lucky it wasn’t hot. Get a nasty burn. Disfigurement for life.
She’ll be fine. Look at her – smiling.
Then again….she could be one of those ‘in-to-pain’ types.
I’d watch her if I was you.
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“Real boobs Rock”?
Do they?
Personally, I think they sway. Or jiggle.
Well, you’re not gonna hitch a ride from a passing truck that way, Missy!
Look at the stupid girl – she’s indoors, for Gods sake.
This is an example of when a wet t-shirt picture idea goes horribly, horribly wrong….
…Ok, this whole posting has just gone ridiculously stupid!
Now its just gone even weirder…
Oh, for fucks sake!
I’m off now….
Erections whilst sitting in car/bus/train May 25, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, Dennis Hopper, erection, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, Julia Roberts, naked, nude, nudity, penis, Sandra Bullock, satire, sex, shit, Speed, spoof
18 comments
Ever had an erection while sitting in a car or a bus or a train?
No, not you ladies – this is for the gentlemen!
And Pat the hermaphrodite.
You’re just sitting there minding your own beeswax when all of a sudden the vibrations store something in your…loins.
Its pleasant but also uncomfortable socially – especially when you are sitting on a train next to grandma and the girl scouts.
The problem then becomes ‘How do I get rid of it?’.
Indeed. How?
Do you slap it repeatedly in an attempt to knock it unconscious?
Do you ask it politely to ‘calm down’?
Do you tuck it between your legs and end up looking like Buffalo Bill in the Silence of the Lambs?
Such questions flash through your mind as the train/bus/car whizzes along and the sweat beads begin to form on your brow.
It’s awkward, isn’t it?
It’s like Dennis Hopper says to Keanu in Speed:
“What do you do? What. Do. You. DO?”
What DID Keanu do?
He has a hard-on on that damn bus.
I presume he hid it by putting Sandra Bullock on his lap.
I’ve never got Sandra Bullock.
Or Julia Roberts.
Why?
Can you tell me?
No, not you!
I’m talking to the other one.
Covering Your Ears May 24, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, funny, funny image, funny images, humor, Jesus Budda, murder, racism, religion, satire, science, shit, spoof, war
3 comments
Right, this is something that gets on my nerves:
People who cover their ears with their hands and humm to themselves whenever they don’t want to listen to something they disagree with!
Arrrrgggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like disagreeing and having arguments with people.
You know that, I know that, everyone knows that!
But some people (the people I really hate) just don’t like arguing.
Fair enough.
But why do the ‘ostrich performance’ of burying your head in the metaphorical sand by humming and covering your ears, rather than just telling me to fuck off and walking away like any other ‘normal’ person would?
Say, I’m talking about religion – and why shouldn’t I?! – say, with a person who is devout in their religious beliefs.
I mightn’t like their views but I’ll listen to them and take them into account.
Sample conversation:
JB: Hello, Father Fuck. How are you today, you fuck?
Father Fuck: Oh, hello my child. I have a burning isssue with the lack of morals in modern society.
JB: Erm….o….kay…..
Father Fuck: You see, my child, I believe that the beloved Holy Roman Catholic Church is being unfairly treated by the secular society we now have been forced to live in. Deeply troubling. Deeply, terribly worrying…
JB: Well, you lot have made your own mess with all the scandals and the fact you lot are basically preaching a load of shit.
Father Fuck: Whats that?
JB: Well, your bastard organization is probably the most corrupt, evil company ever to have existed. You’ve been responsible for more wars, suffering, rape, torture, intimidation and bullying on a worldwide scale for thousands of years now.
Father Fuck: La la la la di da da da di doo dooo la diiii….
JB: Oh, theres no point humming to yourself, you fuck, I know you can still hear me.
Father Fuck: Doodie doo doo la di da day…
JB: Why are you covering your ears? Why are you humming so loud. I know you can hear me.
Father Fuck: Tum ti tum tra la di da di dooo…..JB: You are getting on my nerves now. Shut the fuck up! Stop humming. You can’t blank out all the hurt and torment your dangerous company has been polluting the world with for generation upon generation.
Father Fuck: Oh, macarana macarana macarana…
JB: You are a fucking tool, ya know that? Your company has twisted a well-intentioned series of moral teachings borrowed from other religions, such as Buddhism, and crafted a web of secrecy and sin that has burrowed deep into the very consciousness of everyday life.
Father Fuck: …..take me back to the paradise city where the grass is green and the altar boys are pretty…..
JB: You and you’re sort have abused the respect and good-will of those looking for a better life, the weak, the sick and the mourning simply so that you half-witted motherfuckers could gain dominance and power for your own personal gain.
Father Fuck: …hail Mary, full of grace…the Lord is with theee….
JB: Oh, fuck this. I’m off!
See what I mean?
And the thing is, it works for them!
They somehow always manage to ‘win’ their argument simply by blocking out any opposition.
Politicians and political party supporters are the same.
And Racists. The same thing, really.
I fucking hate it.
If you wanna talk shit, at least be prepared to argue it – whether you win, loose or draw.
Just don’t cover your ears and start fucking humming!!!!!
Swedish Bastards May 23, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, fat, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, satire, science, shit, spoof, Sweden
9 comments
I went to college one time with a Swedish bastard.
He was a Swedish bastard.
Why?
Well, its just something about Swedish bastards that just gets my goat.
They have a strange ability to get on my nerves purely by speaking.
It’s not so much what they say as how they say it.
Swedish males sound sarcastic when speaking English.
They can’t help it. The Dutch are the same – but that is for both males and females.
With the Swedish, its more a male thing.
I don’t know if its a learned thing when they are taking English lessons in school or whether it is something they are born with.
They can’t help being sarcastic.
Well, actually its more a sarcastic tone they have. I’m unsire if they are trying to be sarcastic at all.
I would say something polite to this particular Swedish person and then listen for his response (and I am simply using this prick as an example as I have known several Swedes).
Here is a sample conversation between me and a Swedish male:
JB: Hello, Swedish male.
Swede Bastard: Oh, hello (with sarcastic undertones)
JB: Lovely day, isn’t it?
Swede Bastard: Oh, yes. Very. lovely.(with sarcastic undertones)
JB: you are a sarcastic bastard prick.
Swede Bastard: Oh yes. I am, aren’t I.(with sarcastic undertones)
See what I mean?
Swedish ladies are lovely but as icy-cold as a Siberian shower, but at least they have no definite sarcastic abilities compared to their male brethren.
Is it something to do with the Swedes past?
Is it something to do with the fact that they were once a mighty kingdom that ruled large swathes of Europe and terrified their beleaguered Russian neighbors?
Or are they just a bunch of hateful sarcastic bastards?
You decide, Conan.
A Dick measuring contest May 20, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, dick, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, MacGyver, naked, nude, nudity, penis, Richard Gere, satire, shit, spoof
6 comments
A Dick measuring contest?
What a great idea!
I’ve lined up several ‘Dicks’ – that is, men named Richard – and the idea is to guess how long they are.
Dick measuring – get it?
No?
Well, fuck off then, ya stupid slow fool!
Hang on a second….just let me whip out my dick….there we go.
Here’s the first Dick:
It’s hamster-lover Richard Gere.
How big is he?
In size.
I mean, height-wise?
Off ya go. No cheating.
*The answer’s at the bottom of the page.
Ohhh, let me take out my dick again…..
Well, if it isn’t British luvvie Richard Attenborough!
What do you think about this dick?
Is he big?
*The answer’s at the bottom of the page.
One more?
Right….just let me take out my next dick…..it’s a big one….I’m not sure if I can hold it….ooops…here she comes….
Its Richard Dean Anderson of MacGyver fame.
How big is this tool-wielding dick?
*The answer’s at the bottom of the page.
This was a fun game.
I bet your glad you played it.
Well, don’t go moaning about it if you didn’t.
Nobody forced you to read this shit!
*THE ANSWERS:
Richard Gere – 3 inches by 2.5 inches photograph in original format.
Richard Attenborough – 10 X 8 inches original photographic plate.
Richard Dean Anderson – 6 inches action figure. Comes with oversized Swiss army knife for realistic ‘doing stuff’ action.
Breasts May 19, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, fat, food, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, naked, nude, nudity, satire, shit, spoof
8 comments
Breasts.
Do you like them?
Do you like them big or small?
Do you put salt on them?
I stopped eating chicken becasue it tasted like rubber.
Chicken breasts are not succulent and tasty – they are rubbery, tasteless shit.
I went mad for a bit eating chicken breasts. I liked them well-cooked. I mean really well cooked.
Burnt, basically.
I liked my chicken with some fluffy white rice.
And then I got sick of it and that was that.
On a side breast-related note: how the hell does that woman sleep without suffocating?
The poor woman.
Anyways, back to chickens:
Why are they so rubbery?
Well, it’s mainly becasue of the ligaments they have in their bodies becasue….right, I’ve actually forgot. But I did know the reason and now I’ve completely forgotten becasue that poor unfortunate woman in the above picture got me distracted.
I think it’s something to do with non-flying birds having stronger legs and leg muscles becasue they walk so much.
Maybe not.
Maybe I’m making it all up.
Ask a chicken.
See if they know.
Oh, and always remember to only eat a cooked chicken if the flesh comes away from the bone.
if it doesn’t, then don’t eat it. Just keep on cooking it until it separates easily.
Don’t get food poisoning.
Listen to Jesus Budda and you might just live another day.
Is Ignorance blissful? May 15, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, funny, funny image, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, satire, shit
4 comments
Ever hear the expression “ignorance is bliss“?
Well, what do you think?
Is it blissful being ignorant?
I’m talking to you, ya ignorant bastard!
Would you be happier walking down the street with not a care in the world or would you like to know that a methadone slurping scumbag was waiting around the corner to shove a blood-filled syringe into your neck and steal your shopping?
Personally, I would like to know – so I could avoid the crazy fucker!
But who out there would prefer to go about with their blinkers on? – apart from horses, that is.
“What you don’t know won’t hurt you‘”is another saying that people come out with randomly at the most stupid of occasions.
Well, if will hurt you if you don’t know that a big anvil is about to land on your head!
Or if an escaped group of tigers are waiting to tear you to shreds in your bathtub while you get undressed.
It’s best to know.
Not knowing is a cop-out that people use after the fact.
BASTARDS!
The Sickening amount of sucking up to Barack Obama May 11, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: Barack Obama, comedy, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, government, humor, Jesus Budda, podcast, satire, shit, spoof
10 comments
Have you watched the news lately?
Oh dear.
Why the hell is there so much time devoted to pointless shit about Barack Obama?
Like honestly: whats it all about.
The media are going totally overboard on it.
I’m talking ‘Princess Diana’s Death’ overboard!
The novelty is over. A black man in the White House?
Ok….and?
Big deal.
It’s a great thing to see but at the end of the day it’s just a fucking politician!
But do we have to put up with crappy appearances on the news and in the papers all the time?
None of these things are important – except to the pathetic media which is scrambling over itself to get a piece of the action.
The crazy motherfuckers are wasting so much time that could be spent on real journalism by running around like little puppy dogs after the presidential car!
If this was just restricted to America it wouldn’t be so shitty, but it’s a worldwide shitty phenomenon.
Pointless characters like French president Sarkozy’s twat wife Carla Bruni and hairy singing windbags like Britain’s Got No Talent songstress Susan ‘The Hairy Angel’ Boyle are being put on the main news and given gratuitous newspaper coverage for the most random and shitty reasons!
News should be about letting people know whats going on thats important to their lives.
Deaths, accidents, wars, warnings on dangers, etc …..not bullshit publicity stunts and watching journalists wet themselves while politicians and celebrity nobody’s gorge themselves on banquets!
I know I’m going off topic here (and I don’t care becasue I can), but the Swine Fever debacle is another example of misuse of the media.
Comparisons were made to the 1918 Spanish Flu and newspapers ran stories of doom and gloom about how if it spread that millions could die.
Ok, firstly, the Spanish Flu happened at a time when people were dying of plenty of other diseases like smallpox, tuberculosis etc and most Europeans didn’t have proper sanitation and lived in cramped accommodation in tenements with large families. Penicillin wouldn’t be available until the early 1940’s and, well, there was a little war just ending to add to the misery!
There is no comparison between then and now.
More people die from being eaten by hippos each year than ther will be from Swine Fever.
Or the Avian Flu a few years back. Or Ebola.
Terrible diseases but they need to be taken in context of the bigger picture.
Iraq struggles to get a mention on the news anymore.
You’d need a massive amount of deaths to even get a headline.
What I’m sayin’ is that there is too much glossy nonsense being spewed out about Obama’s presidency rather than coverage of real events that matter.
Good if he buys his kids a dog.
Great if he makes a few jokes for journalists.
Fantastic if he wants to put a giant sculpture of a sausage on the White House lawn.
But it’s not news!
It’s random shit that should be talked about amongst himself and his family and his party and all the little journalists who are out to get close and write a best selling book about how wonderful it is being close to President Obama and how historical an event it all is.
Crap.
Do the job and fuck off.
All politicians are dicks and nobody should go around turning them into Jesus figures or celebrities.
Rant over!
10,000+ Views and I’m still here May 8, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, cult, dead, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, religion, satire, shit, spoof
5 comments
Oh, I’m gone beyond the 10,000 views mark and still am here.
What happened?
Why haven’t I gone, like I hinted I would?
I have no idea.
10,000 views is not exactly a huge number, but considering the shit I type up here it’s vaguely impressive…
But why do I persist?
I’m probably to lazy to stop writing.
This reminds me of a story.
I’m too lazy to tell it to you.
Here’s some pictures describing my story – which you haven’t heard – but the images will help you to piece together the general feel of what I’m trying to get across.
Nearly 10,000 Views May 5, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, cult, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, murder, naked, nude, nudity, religion, satire, science, shit, spoof
11 comments
Yep, nearing the 10,000 site visitors mark now. Keep coming and viewing the stuff on here and leave comments and shit like that.
I’m seriously considering fucking off to another planet.
Maybe 10,000 views would be a nice number to leave on?
What do you think?
Do you care?
Do you know what a site view is?
Do you know what I’m talking about?
Heres a picture.
Keep the donations coming in, motherfuckers!
