Penis Enlargement Pills April 8, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, internet, Jesus Budda, naked, nude, nudity, penis, satire, science, shit, spoof
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I’ve been getting quite a few emails lately advising me to avail of great offers on penis enlargement pills at discount prices.
Why are they picking on me?
I’ve never heard of this happening to anyone else in the World.
I can’t imagine anyone else getting such emails.
It’s unheard of!
Are they trying to tell me my dick is small?
It’s about 6 inches long – well, if I cheat a little.
Thats pretty normal, isn’t it? Isn’t it?????
How did they find out?
They must have spies!
But where?
Ahh haaa!
Public toilets.
I’ve noticed some strange activity around public urinals.
Strange men taking sneaky peeks left and right when they should be focusing on the job in hand – literally!
Thats it!
They must travel around public urinals searching for prime candidates.
Those with small dicks or ‘average’ dicks get the emails.
Those with huge dicks get recruited for pornographic films.
Those with no dicks….well, they shouldn’t be using a urinal in the first place.
I wonder if anyone else has received these emails? I doubt it.
I’m afraid they may come looking for me soon. Start knocking on the door and calling out “Jesus Budda, we know you’re in there. Come out and take your penis enlargement pills this minute!“
If it comes to that, I’ll escape in my time machine to a time when penis enlargement pills and email doesn’t exist.
Medieval times. I’ll be a peasant during the plague times. My name will be Jockser the Shitter. I’ll gurn a lot and be dirty. I’ll live outside the town walls and beg from passing noblemen.
“Spare some coppers, m’lordship?“, I’ll enquire.
And they’ll say “Fuck off, Jockser the Shitter, get out of our way. We’re going to the countryside to slaughter a sheep for the feast of St. Joseph of the Broken Toenails“.
No pills. No hassle. Just a short life and the prospect of dying in extreme agony from a flea-spread disease.
I get those emails all the time. The last one had the subject line “Your wife wanted you to see this.”
I got one that said “Tear her womb a new one”
TBOM: I got one that said “Tear her womb a new one”
–I can’t speak for all women, but the phrase ‘tear her womb a new one’ gets me in the mood everytime.
JB, please don’t be angry with me but I alerted the proper authorities about your– how can I put this nicely– little problem.
Now you be a good little boy and take your ‘dick vitamins’ so you can grow big and strong.
@Skip Dekades:
- And did your wife really want you to see this?
Why couldn’t she just ave told you rather than get an Asian man to email you?
You married a strange woman, Skip!
@ Buddy :
- Charming.
Mine are usually “She will thank you for it” or “your honey will be so grateful!”.
I got 12 of those the other day.
I wonder if anyone ever bothers buying them?
Actually, no, I don’t give a fuck!
@ MadameBitters: “TBOM: I got one that said “Tear her womb a new one”
–I can’t speak for all women, but the phrase ‘tear her womb a new one’ gets me in the mood everytime.”
- Yeah, they really know how to phrase those ’sexy’ emails!
Complete and utter shit.
I’d love to send them a million shitty emails asking them to join y cult and adding “your bitch will scream in orgasm at your decision!”
- You bitch!
I like mine as it is, thank you very much.
Those pills will only make it fall off.
Or grow backwards – whatever that means.
Ignore the penis emails, jesusbudda and please answer me this. It’s Good Friday. Does the “Jesus” in you celebrate? If so, how is the “Budda” in you with this? (I’m assuming at peace, but can’t be sure.)
And what of Easter Monday?
- Well…lets see…
“Celebrate“, eh?
Not much to celebrate, is there?
A guy gets tortured and crucified. Can’t remember his name, but I’m sure he didn’t enjoy it too much.
Do you think that guy was celebrating on Good Friday?
I don’t think so. And whats with the whole ‘Good Friday’ name thing anyways?!
Not much good about it really.
‘Bad Friday’, yes. But it’s in no way good.
I hate Easter, Alan.
Not as much as Halloween.
I like the eggs but thats it.
Does that answer your question?
No?
Well tough! Thats all your gettin’!!!
I’ll take what I can get!
I was going to ask about Halloween. But maybe we should save that for another day!
FYI: For more information on Jesus.
http://www.averyant.com/AverysJournaljune3006x.htm
When you say you like Easter eggs, are you talking about candy eggs (like chocolate) or eggs that are dyed? There are also individual cakes that are egg shaped and covered in chocolate. So what kinda eggs are we talking about, JB?
I remember you griping about Halloween last Xmas. I believe we got into a debate about Halloween vs Xmas on the Spoof. It got pretty ugly if I remember correctly.
I prefer Halloween, always have.
@ Alan: Re Halloween – I was kidnapped by witches as a child.
Thye did horrible things to me. Nasty, terrible, degrading, sickening things.
Things that you would never believe, even if I told you and drew diagrams and floor plans.
Well, when they were finished they released me.
I didn’t want to go and begged to be taken back. They refused – said I’d had ‘enough’.
Hence I hate Halloween.
@ Madame Bitters: I like candy eggs. Well, chocolate eggs. I love them.
Not like the liove between a mother and baby – more like the love between an Elvis impersonator and a sequined jumpsuit.
Yeah, our Halloween debate got pretty heated…
Hang on – did it?
I can’t remember!!!!
Oh, wait a second, now I do. You liked it.
Weird freak.
Suppose you were wone of the lucky ones the witches kept on, eh?
Lucky witch!
it did get rather intense. I think you called me a “crazy bitch”.
And I’m pretty sure I called you a “weird, fucked up bastard.”
I think both of those things describe us accurately. Especially you.
Thanks for clearing that up. Terribly sorry the party had to end early. Ah life…
@ Madame Bitters:
- That doesn’t sound like me at all.
You must have me confused with someone else. I am always a charming and friendly gentleman on those forums.
@ Alantru:
- True, Alan, very true.
One minute your being degraded by a coven of witches, the next your not. Life is cruel!
Love it. Start printing the bumperstickers!
Those witches got there before me, Alan. Printed their own stickers. Made a fortune on them. Retuired early and moved out of Salem.
Just in time too – they were due to be burned a few days later.
Damn them to Hell… Oh wait, that’s taken care of.
If you believe in that sort of thing, that is…
I’m not real happy with the coven either. They threw me out because they thought I was “too hard core” for their coven.
I mean, aren’t witches SUPPOSED summon up Satan and coppulate with him? Thats what their brochure said, anyway.
I know that’s why I signed up! It sure as hell wasn’t for herb picking and nature walks!!
Witches these days are such pussies! They’re all into nature and the woods and stuff like that.
I’ve never heard anyone call witches pussies before… And I suspected that if I ever did hear anyone call them that, it would be you, missfierce.
Luckily the ones that abducted jesusbudda were old school.
Witches are all white nowadays.
I mean ‘all white’ not ‘all right’.
I don’t have a speech impediment.
But they are all white witches nowadays. No black witches.
They tend to be voodoo priestesses.
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