Crows March 30, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: birds, comedy, crow, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, satire, shit, spoof
12 comments
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I was watching some crows the other morning.
Fascinating creatures.
Very clever.
The have a clearly defined social structure based on a dominant male.
But it’s the other, less powerful crows that are the funniest.
Watching them try to assert their authority over their own ‘underlings’ is funny ‘cos they always back down whenever the Big Crow Boss re-enters.

Crows remind me of people in the way they behave.
They re smart and sneaky. They use ’stealth’ tactic to sneak up and steal food, or use cars to crack open nuts they leave on the road.
I know humans who do exactly the same thing!
Their Caw-caw noise is disturbing, though.
They are a bit evil, aren’t they?
I wonder if they’d like to be able to sing?
Probably wouldn’t be as tough-looking if they did.
Nobody is afraid of a singer!
Well, unless that singer is off his head on drugs and brandishing a meat cleaver!
Count this as another pointless, random posting on nothing!

Are you Scared of Thunder? March 26, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, lightning, satire, shit, spoof, thunder
12 comments

Let’s get serious here, people:
Are you scared of Thunder?
I am.
I’m not ashamed to admit it.
Thunder scares the crap out of me!
The noise just sends shivers down my spine.
I hate it.
Right, with that out of the way let me talk about Ball Lightning.

Ball lightning is one of the wonders and mysteries of the universe.
Well, maybe not. But, it’s pretty cool.
A glowing ball of light that can float along for a while, pass through objects like a ghostly presence and then just disappear.
People have reported seeing it pass all the way down a row of seats on passenger airplanes.
Imagine how freaked out you’d be by that?!
Ball lightening is Cool!
And lightning comes in so many different varieteis.
There is lots of different dorms of lightning that occurs in the upper atmosphere above the clouds.
Every time a flash of lightning cuts across the sky, some crazy carp is going on above in the atmosphere too.
Thats about it.
Random post!

Musical Chairs March 21, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, dead, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, music, musical chairs, satire, shit, spoof
19 comments
Is musical chairs the most shitty children’s game ever invented?

Ok, for kids it’s ok at the beginning.
But then once you get knocked out (so to speak) you just have to sit around on the sidelines watching the other little motherfuckers prancing around like demented baboons!

It’s an old womans game.
A senile old womans game played by children.
When you get really old and loose your mind you’ll be stuck in some retirement home for ever, forced to endure marathon sessions of musical fucking chairs!
It’s cruel.
It’s unnatural.
Musical Chairs is a game spawned by Satan himself.

Noisy Lawnmowers March 18, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, harely davidsons, humor, Jesus Budda, lawn mowers, motorcycles, satire, science, shit, spoof
8 comments

I have a problem with noise.
I hate it!
I particularly have a hatred for lawnmowers.
Ever since I was a child, I’ve hated the sound of lawnmowers.
That horrible growly, buzzing sound that is only interrupted by the high-pitched shriek of the blades when they come in contact with a stone or rock.
Lawnmowers are a combination of dentist’s drill, somebody snoring and a fly buzzing around your head!
To make matters worse, the sound of a lawnmower cutting grass stimulates others to do the same: pretty soon the whole area will be out mowing their lawns – even if they don’t have any grass!

If people cut their hair as much as they mow their lawns then half the world would be bald.

Hell is not full of fire and brimstone.
No, it’s much worse.
Hell is a giant lawn in which all the damned must use lawnmowers day and night to tend the grass of Satan!
It’s the noise I can’t stand.
Why do engines have to be so noisy?
The same goes for vacuum cleaners.
I hate noisy engines.
Why don’t they just make silent lawnmowers?
Or hedge-trimmers?
Or leaf-blowers?
Surely it can’t be that hard to make these evil mechanical beasts a little quieter?
Or at least make a ‘nice’ sound.
I know I’m gong a bit off track here, but so what – this is my blog after all! – but car engines are another thing that gets on y nerves.
Surely the only person that enjoys (if I could call it that) the loud roar of an internal combustion engine is the idiot fool driving it.
Maybe they like their car to make a lot of noise so that they are reminded that they are not simply travelling on horseback?
It can get confusing at times, I’m sure.

And half-bald motherfuckers on Harley Davidson’s: why do you want to draw attention to the fact you are half-bald and have purchased a brand new Harley?
Only Hells Angels and the likes can get away with riding a Harley.
You gotta be tough and dangerous-lookin’ to ride one.
You gotta be willin’ to beat other bearded, tattooed men in leather/denim combo’s to ride a Harley.
You gotta be a big, fat man who drinks in ‘disreputable’ places to ride a Harley proper.
A Harley with satin-lined suitcases attached is not a ‘real’ Harley.
But anyway, only tough ‘real’ men can get away with loud noises coming from their vehicle of choice.
Anyone else shouldn’t.
They should instead demand to drive very quiet –almost silent – vehicles.
Until then I suppose I’ll have to put up with the noise, I suppose….

Super Sweet 16 is pure, unadulterated Shit! March 16, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, dead, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, murder, nude, nudity, satire, shit, shit actors, spoof
7 comments

Anyone ever suffer the misfortune of having to watch that shitty show ‘My Super Sweet 16’?
I think it would be impossible to put together a worse programme featuring such hateful, stupid, ignorant teenage pricks!
Greedy, obnoxious, demanding, brain-dead, spilt rich kids ‘celebrating’ reaching the ‘sacred’ age of sixteen.
For fucks sake!
They whine and moan about everything yet for some unknown reason they never get the shit kicked out of themselves.
Maybe it’s because their parents are wealthy, stupid retards who probably barely know their own kids as it is and compensate with ridiculously expensive gifts and parties.

These hateful retarded teens get cars as gifts.
Wrapped in giant bows!
Fist of all, these dickheads should never be allowed on the road because they are a danger to themselves, let alone everyone else.
Secondly: what the fuck is going on when people get cars as gifts?!
I can’t even remember my 16th birthday!
Seriously?
Can you?
I think I might have got a video game or something.
No car, no big fancy party, no razamatazz!
I didn’t want a big deal. Everyone knows birthdays are shit. They are.
Birthdays are depressing. They are just put there to remind you that you are getting older, that you haven’t achieved what you’re ‘supposed’ to achieve yet and that you are slowly dying!

16th birthday parties are not something to shout about.
When did this fucking crap start?
Big deal if you are 16!
So what?
Another year wasted – especially if you are a dumb fuck like the My Super Sweet 16 retards!

And they have Z-list celebrities perform at their party.
Some, random teeny rapper gets up and warbles some shit at the ‘birthday girl/boy’.
And the fake drama that is created by the makers of this shit!
The stupid teen’s dress is not ‘right’!
Shock!
The stupid, ignorant fucks balloons don’t arrive on time.
Panic!
The mentally challenged pricks Mercedes convertible gift is ‘not the right color’.
Drama!
I can safely say that teenagers and ‘young adults’ up to the age of 25 should be wrapped in a big sack, dropped in a very deep river and drowned.
In fact, I’d extend that rule to include many people beyond that age.

The TV show My Super Sweet 16 could be vastly improved (if it is still being made – I don’t know or care) by including a segment whereby the grouchy teenagers are fed to sharks and crocodiles!
Then they’d have something to whine about instead of ‘Daddy’ not getting them their pink Porsche!

Jack the Ripper Mystery: Where were you in 1888? March 13, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, dead, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, jack the ripper, Jesus Budda, murder, religion, satire, science, sherlock holmes, shit, spoof, time travel
14 comments

My hunt for Jack the Ripper continues.
As you’ll all be aware, Jesus Budda has a time machine. Mostly I use it to do stupid stuff but I think it’s about time I used it for helpful and useful purposes.
I’m going to travel back in time to 1888 to attempt to solve the mystery.
Think about it: the approximate times of the ripper crimes are well documented and the locations of the victims are known.

Surely I stand a chance of spotting the elusive scumbag?
I know that I need to be on the look-out for a man in a deerstalker hat, about 5foot 10 inches in height, a long thin face with ‘delicate nostrils’ (?), jet black hair, ‘foreign’ appearance and ‘extraordinary’ brilliant eyes (????).
Early thirties.
Long, ‘tapering’ hands.
‘Shabby’ clothing, yet the material was of good quality.

If I spot this man I’ll engage him in conversation about robots and computers.
Why?
Well, why not?!
I’m sure robots and computers will fascinate him.
It doesn’t matter that I know very little about either subject – surely I’ll know more about it than a Victorian serial killer?
When he speaks I’ll listen carefully for “a soft, musical voice” with a touch of “melancholy”.
If he matches those descriptions, I’ll make a citizens arrest.
I’ll knock him unconscious and take him to the nearest police station.

I’ll need to disguise myself as a Victorian.
I’ll call myself ‘ Charles A Sole” and say I’m from “Lahnden Tahhn”.
My pitch-perfect accent will convince them that I am one of them.
I, of course, will dress up in a borrowed Sherlock Holmes outfit to further blend in. Afterwards I will retire to my time machine and return to the future – hopefully my meddling in the past will not have had any bizarre effects.
The last time I traveled to another time and returned, I noticed that the dinosaurs had disappeared. This time I’ll be (slightly) more careful.
My mission is dangerous.
And stupid.
If at first I don’t succeed…I’ll quit.
Or try to solve the Zodiac Killer mystery.
There’s a few others I’d like to have a crack at too.
No, I must focus on Jack the Ripper.
Focus, Jesus Budda.
FOCUS!

Jack the Ripper – Lets catch the scumbag! March 12, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, crime, dead, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, jack the ripper, Jesus Budda, montague druitt, murder, satire, science, shit, spoof
7 comments
I’d love to be able to sole the mystery of Jack the Ripper.
Wouldn’t you?
It’s been a long time since the cheeky chap stalked the streets of Whitechapel, London.
1888 – how the years have passed….
There’s been lots of speculation as to who he was.
The Queens mad cousin?
Artist Walter Sickert because he painted gruesome paintings similar to the crime scenes and was in the area?
And a whole host of other weirdo’s.

But the guy who seems to match the best is Montague Druitt.
(The link I’ve provided discusses the case for and against Druitt, but you can check other sources and find evidence and opinions that differ. I just thought that this link was ‘nice’ and gave access to other suspects).
Montaguee was a failed lawyer who dabbled in medicine. He had some basic medical skills which he acquired as a young man. His family had a history of madness. His uncle was a doctor who worked in the area of the murders.
Montagu apparently worked out of this medical practice at the time of the killings.
Montague matches the description of the Ripper from eye witness accounts (including policemen who arrived on the scene): a ‘gentleman’, ‘posh’ accent, same height, same build, same facial features. Interestingly, the Ripper was described as wearing ‘rubber soled shoes’. Montague was a cricketer and would have worn rubber-soled shoes. On the days of the murders, Montagu was known to have played cricket.

The trouble is that you could probably pick any dude at random and you’d find similarities to the Ripper.
And maybe there was more than one.
A few weeks before the ‘officially recorded’ Ripper attacks, 4 men attacked a prostitute. She fortunately survived, but the attack was similarly violent to the Rippers
In fact, attacks like these (with extreme violence) were very common at the time in the area. But who was the bastard?

The simple fact is we’ll never know.
All the files from the case were destroyed in a fire.
Montague Druitt does sound a contender, though.
Be on the watch out and let me know if you get any leads on the scumbag.
Ok, I know it’s 121 years too late, but you never know….

Optical Illusions March 11, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, optical illusion, satire, science, shit, spoof
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Well, you can’t complain that this website doesn’t have a variety of topics, and that’s for sure!
One day its “punishing Scumbags”, the next it’s about weird optical illusions!
When I look back over all the Jesus Budda postings, I see a pattern of randomness that reflects the JB ‘personality’.
God knows what weird crap could be discussed here in the usual logical, rational and balanced manner!

I love optical illusions.
As Doctor Hibbert in The Simpsons would say: “is that the love between a man and a woman or the love of a fine cigar?”
Well, it’s not quite the ‘love between a man and a woman’ kinda love but it is a definite fondness. I could never ‘get’ those Magic Eye pictures.
I just couldn’t make out what I was ‘supposed’ to see. Maybe I tried to hard to ‘see’ and didn’t relax and let my mind wander. But whatever the reason, I just couldn’t make out what those Magic Eye images contained.
A bit like looking at a “Where’s Wally?” book and never finding the little scoundrel.
Scoundrel?
Wally’s not a scoundrel.
Why’d I call him a scoundrel?
Who cares?

Now I’m getting sidetracked…
I love M C Escher stuff, Bridget Riley’s swirly paintings and those images where if you look at them one way you see a beautiful woman and another way you see an old witch.
Great stuff! What’s not to like?
I love the way they – especially the M C Esher stuff – make you completely rethink the way you ‘see’ things.
All to often we take what we see for granted. We label things as objects and they loose their wonder and interest: such as, a chair is ‘just’ a chair or a tree is a tree.
But when confronted with something we can’t put a label on, we (and by ‘we’, I’m talking about me and presuming that you too have had the same sort of experience) suddenly experience that wonder again.
That’s a great feeling!

It’s like being a little kid again and seeing stuff you’ve never seen before.
It’s incredible how we take what we see for granted.
Suddenly, when confronted by a simple two-dimensional image that doesn’t correspond to what were used to we automatically consider it ‘wrong’ and try to ‘solve’ the conundrum by comparing it to other images we’ve seen and our own interpretation of what is ‘correct’.
Like those famous black and white ‘Vase’ images, we attempt to visualize both the vase and the silhouetted faces at the same time but our poor, little brains just can’t do this! And it’s this failure to logically comprehend something that bizarrely gives us enjoyment.
It’s almost like we enjoy being confused and ‘tricked’ in this way.

I’ve heard that if you paint horizontal white lines on the road in front of a gateway to a field, cows won’t cross it.
Apparently this confuses the cattle’s sense of perspective as the optical illusion of depth is created by the strong dark and light horizontal patterns: they believe that there is a pit below that they may fall into!
I wonder if cows would enjoy some of these optical illusions? They probably would!
Lets take a look at some of these wonders, shall we?
Follow me, my dear friends…

Which line is the longest?

M C Escher – the master of the visual illusion. And a lovely man in his day, I’m sure!
Imagine how freaky his house must have been.
Imagine trying to find the bathroom?
I love these!
And this one too. Messes with your head….

Thats a good one.

And heres a version of a very famous isometric optical illusion image.
Lovely.
Heres a link to a site of cool optical illusions if anyone is interested.

Punishing Scumbags March 10, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, crime, cult, dead, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, justice, law, punishment, racism, religion, satire, scumbags, shit, spoof
3 comments
I was gonna write about something else today, but instead I changed my mind and decided to go on a rant about punishing scumbags.
Punishment for crimes is pathetic in my opinion.
I’m talkin’ violent crimes here - not somebody stealing stationary or paper clips!
In my opinion, if you physically hurt someone else you should have the shit kicked out of you. Then have knives rammed repeatedly up your ass before finally being crushed to death and set on fire.

Too cruel?
Of course!
That’s the point.
I’m sick and tired of people trying to ‘cure’ criminals.
Rehabilitation is fucking shit.
As far as I see, rehabilitation just involves treating the scumbag motherfuckers like they’re someone special.
Where is the rehabilitation for the victims of violent crime?
It must be very fucking annoying for them and their families to sit by and watch little pricks being given ‘treatment’ for their crimes.
Take the bastards outside and blow their brains out – or my earlier torture example of stabbing, crushing and setting on fire!
And another thing that gets on my nerves is the use of excuses such as a ‘troubled’ upbringing or a ‘hard ‘life’ as some sort of explanation for their crimes.
For fucks sake, how many survivors of Auschwitz went crazy killing others???
Do you know?
Well, I can’t think of a single one.
Surely they had a damn good excuse to go around beating the shit out of random people, didn’t they?
Or a low IQ.
Jesus Christ, if you don’t know right from wrong you gotta go, man.
I don’t give a fuck if you were shit in school and can’t tie your shoelaces!
Here’s the thing: how come the stupid fucker can’t button his shirt but he can go out and beat the shit out of someone and try and cover it up later?
Violent bastards should be wiped out.
I don’t give a fuck about the opinions of psychologists.
As far as I’m concerned, psychology is an interesting ‘hobby’. It’s fun to watch others and compare similarities between various individuals and groups.

But, it is complete and utter shit as far as I’m concerned when it is treated as a science.
I don’t give a shit if a team of psychologists come to the opinion that someone is insane or that they committed a violent act because of previous events in their life.
I just wanna see the motherfucker gets punished: and by punished, I mean removed from society for ever.
The only people who believe in forgiveness and giving ‘sinners’ another chance are the stupid fuckers who live in golden castles in a magical, fantasy land!
The same pricks visit those bastards in prison and bring them cakes.
Bastards!
Am I ranting too much?
Of course I am!
Nobody has the right to harm another person but I believe in an eye for an eye.
And I’ll probably be called violent for my above comments.
Like I give a shit!
The Cult of Jesus Budda hates violence.
I’m off to listen to some of the Jesus Budda audio files to calm down.
You should do the same.

Who would win in a fight between….? March 9, 2009
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: animals, comedy, fight, funny, funny image, funny images, funny pictures, humor, Jesus Budda, satire, shit, spoof
7 comments
I love these kinds of games where you try and guess who would win a fictional fight between two strange people/things/objects.
Like, who would win in a fight between a tiger and a crocodile?

Personally, I think the tiger would win – mainly because I’ve seen footage of a lion taking on a croc and killing it.
But the problem is not so much the strengths of the animals as in the location of the fight: in water the croc would have the upper hand and beat the tiger, for instance. If the fights took place in a ‘neutral’ venue with a mixture of water and land, who would be the victor?
Tiger Pro’s: strength, claws, teeth and bite pressure, balance and agility. Cons: not as armoured as the croc, smaller bite area, wagging tail could easily be bitten off.
Crocodile Pro’s: teeth and bite pressure greater than tiger, armoured body, excellent in water. Cons: slow and less agile on land.
I think the tiger would win because it is useful in both water and land (unlike most cats). It’s agility and strength combined would be enough to overcome a crocodile. This is not scientific – but I don’t give a crap!
Here’s some more:
Who would win between?
A Sheep V a Llama?
A Crow V a Parrot?
A Slug V a Snail?
A Great White Shark V A Killer Whale?
I’d be really interested to know what others thought. Honestly!


