Jesusbudda’s Weblog

A defense of Scientology?
What a great idea!
Scientology gets a bad deal in the media.

Everyone hates Scientology.
Scientology is eeeeeeeeviiiiiill.
It’s brainwashing.
They steal your money and talk crap to you in secretive buildings.
They believe in a superior race of aliens.

Thats what the media says.

Well, I’m gonna defend the Scientology crazies just for the sake of it!

Lets take poor, old John Travolta for example.

His son dies and all of a sudden poor, old John is made out to be a heartless Scientology-brainwashed freak who somehow denied his son proper medical help.

What the fluff?!

The man is an incredibly wealthy movie star who parks a jumbo jet in his back yard – the thought of him not seeking the best possible medical attention for his kid is bullsh*t!

I’m sure poor, old John (as he will be known throughout this article) feed his pet budgie specially prepared nuts, grown from sacred trees in the Himalayas. This is a man (like all extremely wealthy men) who’ll do anything and everything to protect his property. That includes his family.

Does anyone really believe that Travolta and Tombo Cruise give a flying fuck about aliens from another planet?

These fine fellows only care about what they get out of things – and religion is no exception. Scientology is all based around cash, and lots of it.

John and Tom give them money, they offer them protection.

A good deal, don’tcha think?

Nobody in Scientology circles are gonna make naughty remarks about the private lives of Tom and Johnny boy’s ‘extracurricular activities’.

And people attack Scientology for not really being a religion and being stupid and made up.

Hello!

Carpenter’s son hangs around with bunch of rugged fishermen to get drunk while performing magic tricks at weddings? Dies violently and comes back to life. Is actually really 3 people in one? Can walk on water and is great at handing out bread and fish at gatherings? Says he doesn’t like interfering with natural order yet brings his old friend back from the dead – ‘cos he feels like it?

Sound familiar?

Yeah, it’s Steve from down the road.

Scientology is an executive bodyguard service. It’s like the white persons nation of Islam.

I have a cult. It’s called the Jesus Budda Cult.

Shit name, I know.

My aims?

To life in a giant shoe.

Am I a weirdo?

Sure I am.

I’ve forgotten my point……

I remember when I was approached by a loony asking me to join the Scientologists.

I declined as I was busy tying my shoelace at the time.

I would not have suited the group. They want young, ambitious people who have lots of money to spare.

I wouldn’t have been able to afford the price of going on one of their luxury trips to a Caribbean island for induction (or whatever).

But think about it: when did you ever get a nice trip to a beautiful island paradise with your religion?

If you’re a Catholic, then you’d be lucky to get locked in a closet with a priest!

See? Scientology has it’s perks.

And if you’re mega-rich like poor, old John Travolta or Tommy Cruise then you get special treatment.

I say, give Scientology a chance. Sure it’s probably ruined some peoples lives but look on the bright side: it can’t be as bad as the damn Catholic Church, can it?

When was the last time your kids were being stalked by Scientology freaks? Never? Probably.

But I bet you can’t walk down the street without at least one or two attempted gropings by a priest (or nun)

.

Let me end by asking you to join my cult.

It’s harmless and lovely and I won’t steal you money or make you do anything evil. Well, not unless you’re incredibly vulnerable/and or/ stupid.

May the power of Jesus Budda be with you