Jesusbudda’s Weblog

I am a winner!

It is official. I won the Gold medal at the Beijing Olympics today in ping pong.

Ahhh, ping pong, beloved sport of the Gods, oh wondrous game of the supernatural world.

Twak, wahck, plog, plink, shazzam!

That’s how I did it.

Of course I didn’t actually win it during the ping pong competition. Oh no, that would be too easy.

No, I ‘won’ it from the actual ‘official‘ winner after the match.

I said to him (for it was a he) “I bet you that your gold medal can’t travel as far as my wooden ping pong ball”.

He looked me up and down and accepted my challenge: his gold medal for my wooden ball.

He asked when the bet would take place. I said “Why not right now/”.

He shrugged and agreed to our manly dual.

I said that I’d go first – to be fair and give him a chance. So I toss my little wooden ball down the arena. It went about 30 feet before coming to a sudden stop after hitting an old lady on the back of the head. She rubbed her bruised crown and then took it upon herself to pick up my ball (which was stuck in her apron) and toss it back at me.

My competitor laughed and mocked me, saying that the the rules were that wherever the ball lands is what counts. So, he claimed, my ball only landed on the ground when the old lady threw it back – which meant 2 feet.

“Pathetic”, he laughed as he prepared to toss his Gold medal.

He flung it with considerable force for a small man in a leotard. It traveled 90 feet through the air and eventually came to a standstill on the tiled floor as the far end of the building beside the door.

I shook my head and accepted that he had won.

“No hard feelings”, I said. He smiled a toothless grin and embraced me with his scrawny little arms. I said that it would be only fair of me to retrieve his medal.

So obviously I ran to the end of the hall, grabbed the medal and made a quick and noble escape in a waiting flying taxi (popular in Beijing and Asia) and went back home away from that accursed place.

Me winner. Him loser. Bye bye, fool.

JB