Exclusive Guaranteed Explicit Sarah Palin & Celebrity Actress Nudity Free To View Here Only August 31, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: actress, comedy, funny, humor, image, Jesus Budda, naked, nude, nudity, Presidential campaign, Republican, Sarah Palin
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Exclusive Guaranteed Explicit Republican running mate Sarah Palin and Celebrity Actress Nudity Free To View Here Only!
Bit of a dirty sleeze, eh?
Like wearing dirty, brown overcoats, eh?
Feeling naughty, eh?
Well f*ck off!
Only kiddin’.
Here are some exclusive celebrity naked images I have exclusively acquired exclusively for you to exclusively view on your grease smeared computer screen. Enjoy these exclusive explicit naked celebrity actress images:
Here’s a naked picture of “Pilates of The Cuban Cigar” actress Keira Kneightly. Look at here smoking while NAKED. Ok, you can’t see her naked in this picture because it was cropped, but believe me when I say she is nude.
Here’s one of that actress from that show. You know the one. The show on TV. With the buildings and the things happening. And the guns? Whatshername. Yeah, that one. Here she is stark naked – except for her clothes. Enjoy!
Here’s one you’ve been waiting for of Sarah Palin, the Republican vice presidential running mate. Look at that tanned face. Whoah! She gets my vote.
Here’s another full frontal shot of her naked and gazing longingly into the camera.
Boring Fucker Bores Everybody With Another Boring Speech August 29, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: accountantcy, award, comedy, humor, Jesus Budda, spoof, work
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The world’s most boring man, Kevin Brown has once again talked a load of complete bollocks to delegates at the 75th annual accountants awards.
Kevin, 46, spoke a total of 406,421 words of such dire mind numbing-ness that left even the most stony-faced accountant in attendance clenching their ass cheeks and gnawing on their arm-rests in complete and utter boredom.
“I want to die. Kill me please“, yelled Tony, one of the unfortunate ‘victims’ as they made a dash to the toilets for some much needed ‘refreshments’.
“What a boring motherfucker“, said another average-looking woman.
Nobody is quite sure what Kevin actually spoke about. Most dozed off as soon as he announced his name.
Numbers and figures were allegedly involved.
Oh, and he did a ‘there’s no accounting for taste’ joke. Pr*ck.
Things to Amuse yourself on a Rainy Day August 26, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: Add new tag, advice, bank robbery, bored, comedy, funny, humor, Jesus Budda, murder, nude, nudity, pole dancing, tips
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Raining outside?
Feeling bored and sad?
Looking for something to cheer you up and put a smile across your ugly, stupid face?
Try these:
- If you own a cat you could always swing it around the living room. Try it.
- Take up croquet and become a proper pipe-smoking asshole.
- Indoor fishing. All you need are some sticks, some twine, a bucket of soapy water (or a foot bath) and some goldfish. Hooray!
- Pole dancing.
- Watch television. Naked. With the curtains pulled back and the lights on. Revel in the pure excitement of scaring your neighbors.
- Plan a bank robbery.
- Make something to it and then eat it.
- Spy on your neighbors dog.
- Shoot your neighbors dog.
- Balance pillows on your head and pretend to be somebody famous who wears pillows on their head.
- Become an entrepreneur. Cold call call centers and offer them great deals on sh*t.
- Levitate around the house.
All great tips, I’m sure you’ll agree.
JB
Olympic Facts: Naked Pole Vaulter at the Beijing Olympic Games 2008 August 19, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: athletics, Beijing, Beijing Olympics 2008, china, comedy, fact, funny, government, humor, Jesus Budda, naked, nude, Olympics, sport
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I was shocked to notice that all the women at this years Beijing Olympics (as opposed to last years Beijing Olympics) were all competing stark, raving naked!
I was shocked and terrified. I was speechless. Why? What was the meaning of this outrageous behavior.
In a word: sponsorship.
A popular sporting goods manufacturer – who shall remain nameless – felt that they would entice viewers to watch the track and field events if they persuaded the Olympic authorities to change the governing rules so that all female competitors compete without their clothes.
This sporting goods manufacturer – who shall continue to remain nameless even though they are named after a Greek God and are represented by a swish ident – paid (bribed) the Olympic b*stards to inflict this pain on us. Degrading stuff by Nike (oops!)
But, the Chinese government (ever devious, twisted and evil like a cow) foiled the American sporting goods giant – who shall remain nameless, although their name begins with an ‘N’, ends with an ‘E’ and has an ‘I’ and a ‘K’ in the middle – by using clever computer manipulation to superimpose clothes on the sporting stars!
Genius!!!!
But if you looked closely (very closely) you would have noticed that their ‘costumes’ were very skin tight.
I may return with more Olympics facts. Or not.
JB
I won the Gold medal in Ping Pong at the Beijing Olympics 2008 August 18, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: Beijing, Beijing Olympics, Beijing Olympics 2008, comedy, funny, gold medal, humor, Jesus Budda, Olympics, ping pong, satire, sport, table tennis, winner
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I am a winner!
It is official. I won the Gold medal at the Beijing Olympics today in ping pong.
Ahhh, ping pong, beloved sport of the Gods, oh wondrous game of the supernatural world.
Twak, wahck, plog, plink, shazzam!
That’s how I did it.
Of course I didn’t actually win it during the ping pong competition. Oh no, that would be too easy.
No, I ‘won’ it from the actual ‘official‘ winner after the match.
I said to him (for it was a he) “I bet you that your gold medal can’t travel as far as my wooden ping pong ball”.
He looked me up and down and accepted my challenge: his gold medal for my wooden ball.
He asked when the bet would take place. I said “Why not right now/”.
He shrugged and agreed to our manly dual.
I said that I’d go first – to be fair and give him a chance. So I toss my little wooden ball down the arena. It went about 30 feet before coming to a sudden stop after hitting an old lady on the back of the head. She rubbed her bruised crown and then took it upon herself to pick up my ball (which was stuck in her apron) and toss it back at me.
My competitor laughed and mocked me, saying that the the rules were that wherever the ball lands is what counts. So, he claimed, my ball only landed on the ground when the old lady threw it back – which meant 2 feet.
“Pathetic”, he laughed as he prepared to toss his Gold medal.
He flung it with considerable force for a small man in a leotard. It traveled 90 feet through the air and eventually came to a standstill on the tiled floor as the far end of the building beside the door.
I shook my head and accepted that he had won.
“No hard feelings”, I said. He smiled a toothless grin and embraced me with his scrawny little arms. I said that it would be only fair of me to retrieve his medal.
So obviously I ran to the end of the hall, grabbed the medal and made a quick and noble escape in a waiting flying taxi (popular in Beijing and Asia) and went back home away from that accursed place.
Me winner. Him loser. Bye bye, fool.
JB
Some People call me the Space Cowboy August 15, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: Beijing Olympics 2008, comedy, funny, humor, Jesus Budda, Olympics, ping pong, satire
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Some people call me the space cowboy. Some people call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice, for I speak of the pompetiss of love.
But my name is Jesus Budda and I am proud of that fact.
I walk. I talk. I bite my nails.
I am Jesus Budda. I am an Olympic competitor. I am a modern day Gladiator of the Ping Pong table.
I am the destroyeer of mankinds (in a purely ping-pong sense of the word ‘destroyer’.
I’ just thought I’d let you know. What the hell, it’s not gonna harm anyone, is it?
JB
One Armed Female Ping Pong Player at Beijing Olympics 2008 August 14, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: Beijing, Beijing Olympics 2008, comedy, funny, handicapped, humor, Jesus Budda, ping pong
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I met the famous one-armed ping pong player today at the Bijing Olympics.
Nice woman. Only one arm but her handshake was very strong (obviously using her other arm).
Seing as we have so much in common – namely, both being champion ping pong competitorsat these Olympic Games – we got talking about life, love and talking weasels.
She said that she believes in them. I said no way. Then I politely changed the conversation topic to her losing out on winning Gold. She didn’t like that. She hit me – with the good arm.
Like a gentleman, I just sat there and took it. She kept going for about twenty minutes before wearing herself out. Then I pushed her over and spat on her and called her names. She started crying. I felt sorry for her and ashamed of myself. That was, of course, until she regained her straength and continued hitting me – this time with her ping pong bat.
We’ll meet up later and discuss important events in the world, I’m sure.
Can’t hang around too long as I’ve got training to do (see previous post for my training regime).
Au Revoir from the Beijing 2008 Olympic Crap Fest!
Jesus Budda – Olympic-winner-to-be
In Training for Ping Pong Gold at Beijing Olympics August 13, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: Beijing, Beijing Olympics 2008, comedy, drugs, humor, Jesus Budda, nandrolone, Olympics, ping pong, satire
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I’m deep into my highly disciplined training regime for the Ping Pong event at Olympic Games.
Let me give you all a quick rundown on what it involves:
*I wake early – usually around 3pm in the day (Thats 15.00 Hrs military time, 24 hour-clock-lovers).
* Brush teeth. very importatnt and often ignorded aspect of the training regime. Brushing your teeth gives you that extra edge.
*Stand up and then sit down for a while. Strenuous activity like this builds muscles and sh*t.
*Eat and then brush teeth again. Hygiene is a an essential aspect to winning in this game.
*Bounce a ping pong ball on a table for about 30 seconds. Good for hand-eye coordination and reminds me what event I’m training to compete in.
*Take a nap. Encourages mental stimulation and focus as I dream of gold medals on a chain and a suit of armor made of gold and a diamond studded cape. A golden crown of thorns is also a recurrent dream.
* Wake up and bounce the ping pong ball some more, but this time using a little table tennis bat.
I am focussed and ready. My oppenent is Wing Wang Wu, a Chinese grandmaster at ping pong. But he lacks my physical and mental control. And he has terrible teeth which he obviously never brushes. I will win.
Plus I’ve secrectly doped the fool. Yeah, sneaked into his room last night and poured some nandrolone into his whiskey stash. That fool is going down – especially when I make a confidential call to the drug control body.
Round 2 beckons.
JB – Champion of Champions
I was disqualified from the Greco-Roman Wrestling at the Beijing Olympics 2008! August 12, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: Beijing, Beijing Olympics 2008, comedy, funny, humor, Jesus Budda, Olympics, satire, wrestling
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I was disqualified from the Greco-Roman Wrestling at the Beijing Olympics today!
Typical. That’s two event so far that I’ve been kicked out of. First it was the equestrian dressage (dancing horses stuff) because I wasn’t a horse and now this.
The reason they gave (which took some time to get out of them -thank God I had my lethal kettle with me) was that they couldn’t decide which category to put me in.
Can you believe it????
They said they weren’t sure if they could put me in the male wrestling competition because I “wasn’t man enough”. I said I’d inject some testosterone. They said “f*ck off”. I said I’d wear fake muscles. They said “get the f*ck”. I said I’d wear a fake beard. They said “beat it d*ckhead”.
Then I offered to compete in the female compettion. They said no to that idea too. Said I wasn’t ‘womanly’ enough.
Well that was the limit. First they tell me I’m not a man, then they tell me I’m not a woman either. I said “then what the f*ck am I then?”
Blank stares all round.
So I left that arena with my the remainder of my dignity intact.
I still have the ping-pong tournament to keep me going. That Gold medal is mine!!!!!
Unless I’m kicked out of that too. Hopefully not. Fingers crossed.
JB
Beijing Olympics – I’m competing! August 9, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: Beijing, china, comedy, funny, horse, humor, Jesus Budda, Olympics, Olympics 2008, ping pong, satire, spoof, sport, wrestling
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It’s true.
I am competing in a number of events during this years China 2008 Olympics: Greco-Roman wrestling, Dressage (horse dancing) and ping-pong.
I’ve been disqualified from the Dressage event after they uncovered the truth that I was only pretending to be horse. I stood a good chance of taking Gold but, alas, it’s not to be.
Greco-Roman wrestling is next. I could take Bronze if I manage to drug and kill my opponents.
Why not kill everyone and grab myself a Gold, you ask?
Well, that would be very suspicious and I’d never get away with it.
Ping-Pong is my main event. I’m gonna take a Gold home. My backhand is renowned throughout the ping-pong universe. I am unbeatable when I’m on my game. People fear me when they see me entering the auditorium dressed in Mumu, flip-flops and wooly socks. I can taste their fear already.
Wish me luck – not that I’ll need it.
I will report again from Beijing – the home of robot monsters and edible babies.
JB
