Jesusbudda’s Weblog

I’m gonna write a little bit more on the whole “Good idea at the time” stuff.

So here it is:

Money: Many years ago, people bartered and traded goods and services. You need a wheel? Well, I’ll give you my spare one if you lend me your dog! That kind of stuff. And it worked very well for centuries.

That was until people began traveling further and further afield. They couldn’t bring all their crap with them, so they needed an alternative method of bargaining that wasn’t so clumsy.

A dude – we’ll call him ‘Brian’ – came up with the idea of money. Brain would collect some shiny pebbles from the beach give them to his friends and neighbors to swap amongst each other. They liked these pebbles a lot! One pebble would represent, say, a cat. Two pebbles would represent a cow. Now, whenever people wanted to trade sh*t they wouldn’t have to take the cat/cow/wheel whatever along with them everywhere. They could travel far and wide and swap the pebbles in exchange for services and goods.

The idea was so damn good that people in other villages and towns started copying the idea and soon it became a phenomenon. Everyone was trading pebbles. So much so, that pebbles started to become hard to find. They needed an alternative. So they switched to different things such as salt and gold and even pretty little flowers.

But the downside was that people began to forget what the purpose of this money-thing was. Instead of representing other objects of greater value and importance, the money now was the important item. So, even if you didn’t actually possess anything of any great value or significance, as long as you had a shiny stone you were technically in a fantastic bargaining position!

And word spread of this development amongst scumbags and governments (the same thing). They decided to introduce paper money – because it was so damn easy to make and distribute.

As long as they kept on producing this paper money stuff, they could do whatever the f*ck they wanted. And even better, by controlling the distribution of this money they controlled the people. If someone was pretty damn good at baking cakes or farming the land or building things, the money masters threw money in the opposite direction to prevent these groups gaining in power.

Money still exists in some form or other in certain parts of the World to this very day. I’ve heard rumors of vast money plantations in Siberia and Kulas Lumpur.

Banks: a spin-of from money. Some stupid b*stard decided to store all his precious money in one place. He hid it in the side of a riverbank – hence the name. To stop anybody stealing his precious paper scraps, the man, Jimmy Browning Jnr, staked out the place every day and night. He became so obsessed that he never got to spend a single note of his beloved cash. A passing man – who knew a fool when he saw one – saw poor tired Jimmy and offered to watch over Jimmy’s money while the sorry soul took a well needed nap. Jimmy was so desperate, he accepted – but not before the man issued his terms of the deal. In the makeshift contract (drawn up on a piece of bark, right there and then) Jimmy would have to give the man 15% of his money each year to keep watch, with an additional 28% surcharge if Jimmy wished to withdraw any of his cash. Foolish Jimmy accepted.

And the man branched out and gathered up many more ‘Jimmy’s’ and their families to his wicked scheme.

To this day the offspring of that very same man control all the money in the world.

His name is Bob. He is a b*stard!

Unions: many years ago, a group of slaves met in an old shack to discuss their situation. For as long as they could remember, they had worked for their masters with no reward or benefits. They felt the only way to look out for each other wellbeing was by joining together and demanding that they be treated properly. Later that night they went out for some drinks and got incredibly drunk, but three days later they recalled their meeting and formed the first Union.

From now on they weren’t gonna take no crap from their boss. F*ck him, man! Things improved immediatly, as the Boss man feared for his safety. Life began to become more bearable and enjoyable for the slaves (why they didn’t just stop being slaves is not understood!)

The Union got bigger and bigger, gathering up more and more new members to their little group. In fact it became so big that they forgot what the point of the Union was in the first palce. Instead of being about their rights it became about their wants.

They didn’t just want to be treated fairly and equally. Now they wanted cool shit like sports cars and beach houses. And the Union bosses started to resemble the dreaded slave owner’s of the past. The rights of the powerful few outweighed the opinions of the majority. The slaves with the bigger mouths and bigger muscles seemed to get their way much more than others.

Even worse still, the slave owners started to form their own Unions. In fact, everyone started to form their own Union. Unions started to have their own unions!

And lo, the Unions became pointless talk shops for fat f*cks. The salves grew tired and went back to what they knew – being slaves to the salve masters again.

Unions still occur in areas of great wealth – such as the favala’s of Brazil and the back garden of Franks house.

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That is all for now,

JB