Jesus Budda NEWS Podcast Episode 03 – Listen Nudity and Celebrity Nakedness to it Now!!! May 30, 2008
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Download/Listen to live streaming of the latest episode of Jesus Budda News!
Jesus Budda News Podcast Episode 03
I have to say that I think Jesus Budda is the best newsreader in the whole damn World!
This is what ‘real’ news should be like.
Listen to it and have fun, that’s what I always say!
Racist Woman Who Claimed She was Being Stalked by A Black Man, Now Admits It Was Just her Shadow May 27, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: Add new tag, barrack obama, comedy, hilary clinton, humor, mel gibson, racist, spoof
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A racist Californian woman has renounced her claims that she was the victim of an ‘un-identified black male’ after video evidence produced by a Japanese business man clearly shows that it was just her own shadow.
Leni Riefenstahl , 26, from Oakland California gained statewide attention after appearing on a TV News channel making accusations of a ‘ large, thin black man’ stalking her every move.
The ditzy blonde garnered sympathy from fearful middle-class white folk with her tears and her tale.
Other women came forward and claimed that they too had been victims of the black stranger – with reported sightings in all brightly lit areas.
Mel Gibson even offered to round up some friends to form a posse to ‘protect’ the Aryan maiden.
But her story was false and the chance recording by a Japanese businessman pervert of Miss Riefenstahl – who had been secretly recording blonde-haired westerners in public showers with his cell phone – revealed the truth.
“We noticed from the grainy footage, that Miss Riefenstahl only freaked out when she moved into areas with strong overhead lighting”, chuckled police Chief Wiggum,
“She started screaming loudly and pointing at the floor. She went really crazy when she stood directly beneath a light and four shadows were cast – she’d scream stuff like “oh no, there’s four of them big black men!”, and crap like that”.
Miss Riefenstahl, who is life-long member of the KKK and a Hilary Clinton supporter, has now accepted that it was just her shadow but has dismissed claims that she is a racist bitch.
“I have no problems with black men”, she said, “I just don’t think it’s right that I should have a black shadow. I want a nice, lily-white shadow. That’s not too much to ask?”.
Join the Jesus Budda Cult Now and Get Naked With Hot Babes! May 23, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: babe, brainwash, comedy, cult, humor, Jesus Budda, naked, nude, religion
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This heading sums up my cult pretty darn good. Well, the ‘Jesus Budda Cult’ bit, anyway.
So what’s in it for you?
You need to clear your mind of everything you know. Pensions, money, and all that crap is pointless. So long as I get everything you have thats all that really matters.
This is a cult – not a political party, man.
You get nothing except salvation and the chance to live in a giant shoe. Come on, those are pretty cool things, don’t ya think?!
Salvation is in the word of Jesus Budda and my giant abacus.
Forget everything you know. It’s not true. Why? Because I say so, *sshole. And you know it. and you like it. Secretly. I know you do. I can see that little twinkle in your eye.
I promise you (the cult member)that you will be :
A: really cool. Everyone in this cult is cool.. Even the animals will be cool. They’ll wear shades. And little
costumes. Cool costumes.
B: salvation of your mind and soul. I will free your mind of worry and fear. You will be safe with me and the other members. We’ll watch your back. No taxes, no cash flow problems. Why? No money, thats why. We need something, we’ll improvise. Or steal it. Why not?
Oh, yeah, and a giant abacus.
C: you get to live in a giant shoe. What more need I say.
A small price to pay for all these cool things. We’ll be a small, tight group. Others will be against us, but we will be strong. Folks fear change and anything different.
Religions have an ulterior motive such as bringing down the Romans or uniting desert dudes – and then try and wrap it all up with some cuddly-wuddly sh*t about love and forgiveness and magic flying horses that appear to beardy-weirdies in their dreams.
I’m straight upfront about my cults role: living in a giant shoe, being cool and not obeying the stupid man-made laws of rich b*stards.
Join now. Learn the chant. Be really cool. Tell all your friends.
Go to the podcast section of this site and listen to the official chant Volume 01 (top of this page and click the audio files tab) . Memorize it. Play it before you go to bed and first thing when you wake up in the morning. Hum it to yourself throughout the day. Teach your kids, wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, cell mate the chant. Share it. Share the love of Jesus Budda.
Join the Jesus Budda Cult Now!
You won’t regret it. And if you do – I will brainwash you so that you will forget everything. And that’s a promise.
Jesus Budda
Nude Pictures of Hilary Clinton! May 22, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, cult, hilary clinton, humor, Jesus Budda, monkey, naked, nude, pig, spoof
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Imagine if I did have nude pictures of the Hilary? Wouldn’t that be great!
I could blackmail her and get millions of dollars. I could be living the high life. I could buy that tropical island I’ve always wanted. I’d have my own rules and laws. Anyone I hated who stepped foot on the place would be hacked to death my my army of faithful cult members.
It would be amazing!
But I don’t have those pictures. Let’s see what I can find on the Internet…..
Well thats a picture of a funny little kitten. No, that won’t do. Let’s try again….
And here’s a picture of a monkey with his little face being pulled. It does kinda look like Hilary, but it’s not a naked picture, per se…..
What about this adorable picture of a baby piggy? Any takers? Yes? No?
Look at his eyes. He really hates having his picture taken! Look at it.
I can guarantee that this pig was not in Babe:the pig or the sequel Babe:pig in the city.
He just is too shy and retiring.
Sorry, all dirty old men and wierdo’s. No naked pictures of Hilary Clinton here.
Try again later.
Jesus Budda News Podcast Episode 02 – Listen to it Now! May 20, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, download, humor, Jesus Budda, mp3, news, podcast, professor steven Hawking
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Here it is: the latest News from Jesus Budda towers (which is just a badly built tree house actually)
This weeks episode features a report by Professor Steven Hawkings. Yeah, that Professor Steven Hawkings.
Download it or listen to live streaming now!
Jesus Budda News Podcast Episode 02
I don’t mean to scare you but if you don’t listen to it you will die. And your cat too.
Beautiful Naked Women Cavort With Hairy Male Stripper Cowboys May 20, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, cowboy, humor, Jesus Budda, naked, robin williams, sharon stone, spoof, stripper, women
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Now that’s what I call a headline!
Why did I use the word ‘cavort’? It’s such a stupid word. ‘Cavort’? Go on, say it aloud. It sounds stupid. I’m never using that again. It’s such a newspaper man’s word. Anyways….
The stuff people search for on the Internet is strange to say the least. I was reviewing the statistics of how folks came to my wordpress.com website and it was weird!
Some of their search terms were “hairy men”, “very hairy males”, “hairy robin Williams”, sharon stone naked hairy” and so on.
Why the hell would somebody deliberately search for “Robin Williams hairy”? Come on , people, thats one thing the world doesn’t need to see!
But for those who really want it, then I won’t disappoint you. Here’s a picture of Robin William’s hairy monkey back!
Woman with Two Mouths and Huge Ears Can Gossip and Bitch at Same Time May 19, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: bitch, comedy, humor, spoof, woman
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A woman born with a rare genetic disease which has left her with two mouths and satellite dish sized ears has terrorized her local community by spreading malicious gossip and rumors.
Linda Fuchs, 45 picks up the most minute sonic vibrations with her massive 64 -inch ears, then
immediately gets on her telephone and starts ringing around her neighbors with her overheard ‘news’.
“Because she has two big mouths, she can communicate with other nosy bitches using two telephones at once“, said a worried homeowner, “she is a menace to society“.
Nothing remains secret for very long in Linda’s area, as she detects even the slightest whiff of controversy and idle tittle-tattle.
Local police have even been known to call on Linda’s ‘abilities’ to aid in their crime fighting.
“She’s a nosy bitch“, said her husband and local sheriff, Dan, “anything that goes down around here she’s the first to hear it”
Jesus Budda’s Chant – Volume 01 – Listen to it NOW!!!! May 17, 2008
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Here it is. The first edition of Jesus Budda’s chanting spiritual prayer thingy.
Visit the link to listen to a live audio stream or download it and listen to it with your ears. Then repeat the incantation over and over until you become my ‘mind slave’ and join my religion – it’s what all the kids are into nowadays!
Download Jesus Budda Chant Volume 01
This could quite possibly be the greatest Jesus Budda chant ever! In the world! Ever!
JB
My Murdered Nigerian (possible) Son is Alive! Alive I tell ya! May 16, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, dead, humor, Jesus Budda, murder, nigeria, spoof
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Good Lord!
The Nigerian child I think could possibly be my son is not dead but alive, it turns out!
Amazing news I’m sure you’ll agree. The boy’s name is Henman and he’s from Nigeria and I’ve kinda adopted him. He went missing for a few weeks after a triumphant return from an absense of a number of months (nobody knew where he was back then).
So I naturally presumed he was abducted, ritually murdered and evisorated by a teenage girl who writes on
theSpoof.com. Naturally.
Well he’s back. And he’s alive and well.
That’s it really.
I think he might be sniffing around me because he wants a piece of the religion I’m setting up. Too late , sonny. I have no time for a prodigal son in my cult.
JB
Man Returns From The Future and Says It’s ‘Not that Bad’ May 16, 2008
Posted by jesusbudda in Uncategorized.Tags: comedy, future, humor, science, slavery, star trek
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Scientists are continuing to question a man who claims to be the first time traveler to visit Earth this year.
Influential members of the scientific community – such as Prof. Steven Hawkings and William ‘Capt. Kirk’ Shatner – were closely monitoring Dave Krevatnik, from Eerie Indiana to find out what the ‘future’ may have in store.
He gave his first press conference this morning and in it he made some startling claims about what may be in store for humanity.
“Global warming doesn’t happen. In fact it gets a little colder around 2067. It’s not that bad”, said the so-called ‘future man’, “a whole sh*tload of oil is discovered on the Moon. In fact it turns out burning fossil fuels is good for the environment. Something to do with burning away all the decomposing waste mankind has been creating for thousands of years. Cleanses the Earth – or something…”.
He also had good news for Prof. Hawkings and William Shatner.
“In 2142 everybody goes around in a wheelchair and speaks with an electronic voice-box. It’s the latest craze developed because humans have gotten so f*ckin’ lazy to walk to the store or even bother talking to other human beings.
“William Shatner wins an Oscar in 2020 for his portrayal of Jamaican-born civil rights leader Marcus Garvey”, proclaimed Dave, “he also succeeds in making Esperanto the national language of America and finally abolishes child slavery in Belgium”.
